This may seem arrogant. You may call me pompous or full of myself. I’m not though. I swear. I am sitting on the most comfortable couch, with the most relaxing music playing while absorbing the smell of the burning cedar and sound of the crackling fire. I am incredibly rich and successful, but not in dollars and cents.
The fall of ninth grade I was confronted by 5 members of the football team. They told me they wanted to show me something. I was then tackled, forced into a small, cannonball like position and bound using masking and duct tape and made into a human tape ball. They then rolled me into a storage closet and I was left there until the custodians found me many hours later. I hated myself, I wanted to run away, to die. How could I be such a loser that it would become the goal of 5 senior high school students to humiliate me to the point of tears.
As I lied in the closet, hearing the laughing of students and the bells ringing for class changes, I was helpless. I was truly alone. I was was unable to do anything to change my situation. At that moment I felt as if I would never amount to anything in my life. I was not much more then heap of useless crap. I am nothing.
I awake some mornings and walk from my front door, wander through the woods and make my way to the beach. The sun rises over the water. I climb into a kayak and paddle my way through the placid water to make my way to the middle of the lake. I see the warm sun rays cut through the morning mist wafting up from the water. The morning air fills my lungs. I close my eyes and smile to myself. This is mine. My life is blessed. I am more, I have more, I do more then most.
I stood at the back of the gymnasium door, nervous. I was in grade 11. In a few moments I would be called upon to stand in front of 1400 of my fellow school mates. This moment was a double edged sword. Half of me, so passionate about what I believed in, half of me fully aware I would be laughed at, heckled, pointed at and ridiculed. The call comes, I walked out to centre of the floor. Their laughter was clear, piercing. The chants of fag, loser and geek shoot directly to the core of my soul. At that moment, I feel as if my life will never be much, I will never date the popular girl, never have the group of friends that laugh together in the coffee shop. I will, for some reason, fail.
Standing on the stage I finish my speech.I am 39. I feel good. The audience is clapping, cheering and smiling. I acknowledge their acceptance, their emotion, their positive affirmations. As I say thank you, they rise to their feet. A standing ovation. I am a success. I am making a difference. I will be remembered. I get more then I give.
Today I am not alone. I open my wallet to see the shiny and warm faces of my children. I am their hero. I am loved by them. They are inspired.
Today I embrace my best friend, the same one I have had for 20 years. He cried a little last night as I read the card he gave me for my birthday. True friendship.
Today I got an email from a parent that said I changed their daughters life and in turn their families.
Today I thank the universe for my life.
Once I felt as if I was never going to be anything.
Today I feel as if I could do, be or have anything.
What will tomorrow hold? It will be better then today. Hard to believe, but it will.